The Ledge

The ground shifts under my feet and I pause, taking a breath

an attempt to halt panic in it’s steps.

the ledge is narrow,

wide enough for my foot

millimeters on the side

Small margin of mistake

It takes all my concentration to stay here, a

if that’s the case, how can I enjoy it?

Enjoy the view

So high, so up

so good

Instead of the dark

the valley

the hole

that is my usual surroundings

Concentration lapses

toes curl to grip the ground

fingers splay to catch something

anything

No use

Back were I’ve started

Takes so much to just grab on something

and pull myself off my fat ass

onto my feet

And so much more

to gather myself and start again

Because that brief glimpse

of sky

of clouds

of sun

of life

is magnetic.

The going is slow, laborious, arduous

and every inch is painstakingly won

with tears and sweat.

Often I fall back,

landing on hard ground

unforgiving and

unrelenting

and it’s harder to

get back up

every

time

I

hit

the

ground

I sit on the ground,

slowly sinking

farther into the black

only to look up;

see a hand

of a friend

of a roommate

of complete stranger

grasp it

stand up

try again

With help

and because

that ever so brief glimpse

of sky

of clouds

of sun

of life

is magnetic.